• Jennifer Spiroff

Inhale Freedom Exhale Fear

Throughout our lifetime, from infancy to today, we experience and soak in our surroundings. Different stages of our life creates a tremendous impact on how we move forward from one relationship to another. Not only our relationship to others, but how we relate to ourselves. For my own personal self, the first time I remember noticing that something was wrong and I needed to be afraid, was when I was 4 years old. I remember I was on the school bus on the way to kindergarten and the little boy I was sitting next to molested me. This created years of fear of touch. At 11 years, I was bullied in the bathroom at school by a group of girls I thought were my friends, creating years of the fear to get close, open up, and be in a friendship circle again. In my mid 20's, I put together a wellness retreat that never took off. With this, a fear of failure was created and I decided that it was best to lower my expectations for work successes. After years of fears, I have come to the realization of how I have been getting in the way of my own life, my own happiness, and my own peace within. I have halted intimacy, relationships, and progression. I have gotten in the way to allow success, even though I told myself that was the goal. Of course I wanted success in love, friendships and career. Little did I notice fear was stopping those things from happening.

Fear is an innate emotion. We are born with it, and for good reason. It is necessary for survival. Be afraid of the charging bear! But, when does our fear get in the way of living life? When does the sense of peace get interrupted by an overwhelming fear? What health conditions are we creating over time by holding on to this stubborn innate emotion? Irrational fear is called a phobia. So when does rational turn into irrational? When does rational fear turn someone from being a cautious being, to a victim? It is human to search for peace within. On the quest for peace, it is vital to take a step back. Become the third person in your life. You come with no judgment, no persecution, no guilt. A molestation 40 years ago should not stop me from being intimate with my husband today. A moment in a school bathroom 30 years ago should not stop me from having meaningful relationships with women. An unsuccessful business venture 20 years ago should not stop me from expanding my career today. Yes, bad things have happened. But, are they happening now? Identities that I have created over the years out of fear stops me from feeling the peace and appreciating what I have. Allowing fears to turn to phobias has closed my eyes and I choose to open them up. I look around me. What I have is a wonderful husband, amazing kids, a career that I am thankful for, and friends that will last a lifetime. These phobias no longer serve me. I release them. I choose joy, happiness, love, and as I inhale fully I exhale the world off my shoulders and I choose freedom.

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